Sunday, 1 March 2015


On February 26, 2015, internet users were plunged into what is probably the most trivial great debate in history: An ugly dress was rapidly becoming the top-trending topic on all major news and entertainment websites, for one reason that I still can't readily decipher: no one could agree on the color of the dress. 

Since I usually tend to pay attention to more serious matters in the news, I was blissfully unaware of the dress and the worldwide stir it had created; that is until it suddenly appeared in my Facebook inbox. 

A friend had sent the photo to me, along with the caption, "What color is this dress, Dani?' I remember at first being confused as to why he would ask this. Wasn't it obvious enough what color it was? I saw only black and blue, and I told him so. He responded by inviting me to ask my family members and other friends what color the dress was. 

Still confused by his strange question and follow-up suggestion, I reluctantly forwarded the photo to another close friend, captioned by the same question, "What color is this dress"? To my surprise, my friend said the dress was white and gold. 

I was baffled. How, and where, could he possibly be seeing white and gold in a dress that was so obviously black and blue? I joked about it and told him he was color-blind. Shortly after that, I noticed that we weren't the only ones who couldn't agree on the color. Low and behold, my entire Facebook feed was covered with posts as to what color people saw the dress to be, with the hashtags #WhiteGold or #BlueBlack. 

I figured people were getting worked up about nothing at all; that perhaps the confusion as to what color the dress was could be easily explained: maybe the color calibration on their laptop screens/smartphone screens needed a bit of tweaking. When I showed the photo of the dress to my sister, though, and we were both looking at the same smartphone screen, she insisted that the dress was white and gold, while all I could see was black and blue. Clearly, the differences in colors that each person saw had nothing to do with screen color-calibration. 

I am not here to argue what color the dress is, since British company Roman Originals, the company which markets the dress, has confirmed that it is indeed blue and black. What I will say, however, is that the dress certainly is creepy. Something is definitely wrong here. I'm not buying the explanation provided by the neuroscientists about people's brains perceiving color differently in relation to the color or colors surrounding the object. I know for a fact that none of my friends and family members who saw white and gold are color blind: they don't seem to have any trouble at all recognizing colors in other photographs and objects. Yet people who are not color-blind stated that they clearly saw a white and gold dress where there was a blue and black one.

So, was it a trick? Was it some sort of mass experiment? Are we being punked? Should it even matter at all? What we need to do is stop disputing what color #thedress is and start wondering what major issue did they use this viral photograph to distract us from.

Wednesday, 28 January 2015


Photo Credit:

Ahhhh, January. The month when we're still recovering from Christmas and still glassy-eyed with new-year expectations. I was thinking it was too early in the year to rant about anything. Then I came across a little video by a little video blogger on YouTube that I found a little bit disturbing. 

Please take a moment to view this little video before further reading. I trust that, be you male or female, you will find it as offensive as I did.

Now that you've watched the video, let the uninterrupted ranting begin. You may wonder, since I find the video to be so distasteful, why I even watched it in the first place. If you can't picture me alighting upon such garbage truck material during my visits to YouTube, you are quite correct. I only happened upon this little guy because a friend of mine posted the video on Facebook. In that friend, I am truly disappointed.

I would have thought that this friend, who was raised by a strong single mother and claims to admire all strong women, would have found this video  offensive as well, but I guess I misjudged his character. So if you're reading this sweetie, I'm coming to get you. You know you were raised better than that. But I digress.

Quick question to my female readers: Does the dude in the above video look anything close to that breathtaking photograph of Idris Elba that currently graces this blog post? Does he? Are my spectacles working well enough? I had them changed just a couple of months ago; I think they are. The answer is no. He doesn't. Does he handle himself as gracefully as the stunning Idris Elba? (And I'm not referring to the various characters Elba plays in his movie roles; I'm talking about the way he carries himself off screen as well). The answer, once again, is no. As a matter of fact, this "hotdamirock" (as the pathetic little person refers to himself) lacks all the traits of a confident, self-assured man. Yet he refers to himself as an "Alpha Male".

I wasn't even two minutes into the video before I recognized him as a poser, claiming to be something he so obviously wasn't and assuming airs that he really has no business putting on. Now, I get that he probably wanted to go for shock value (after all, no one in his right mind can think it's okay to put a vlog out advising men to prey upon and exploit women with serious emotional issues). He's a little-known vlogger, or wannabe comedian, or both, trying to build a fan-base and attract an audience.

Still, you'd want to be careful about what you put out there as "entertainment". You may seriously offend some and dangerously mislead others. 

In the video (just in case you didn't watch it all the way through or didn't watch it at all) this dude is basically stating that the Alpha male "hunts" weak women and takes advantage of their weaknesses for his own sexual gratification. The women he referred to as "weak" were women who grew up without a father figure, women who were fresh out of a relationship and heartbroken, women who have self-esteem problems, etc. He went even further over the figurative cliff by stating that, if you failed to adapt this modus operandi when "hunting" women (he referred to women as "buffaloes", by the way), then you weren't an Alpha male; in stead you were nothing but a weak, second-rate "Pack" *insert racial slur here*.

First of all, to the young man who put this video out, shame on you. Shame on you for resorting to using derogatory names and analogies when referring to the gender responsible for bringing you into this world. Sure, there are rappers and singers doing it all the time, but if you were a true Alpha male, you wouldn't follow anyone's lead; you'd be enough of a self-starter to think of a creative way to attract an audience that isn't so overused and such a huge cliche.

Secondly, you have a mom, and you probably have sisters and other female relatives. Would the idea of a man using any of these female relatives in their weak moments sit well with you? I'll just leave that question to be pondered upon.

Thirdly, you obviously have no clue what an Alpha male is, so please stop going around spreading misinformation. There are a whole bunch of idiots out there fooling themselves into believing that they are Alpha males too, that are now your blind followers. For those idiots: Hint: Hint: Alpha males are NOT followers. 

For the benefit of the ill-informed, the following are five key characteristics of a true Alpha male.

1: The Alpha male is confident. 

Notice, I did not say arrogant or boastful. The Alpha male exudes confidence in that he does not need to brag about how awesome he thinks he is. In short, he does not have to refer to himself as an Alpha male. Why talk about what can already be seen by others?

2: The Alpha male has a strong protective instinct.

He is driven not to exploit, but to protect those he deems weaker than himself, or in danger. When the need arises, he will naturally protect his lady, his friends, and anyone else close to him, much like a lion protects its territory. 

3: He possesses magnetism

He draws people, both male and female to him. He doesn't go looking for attention. He doesn't have to be loud or obnoxious to be noticed. His very presence commands attention. 
4: The Alpha Male Welcomes Challenges

He practically goes looking for them. A true Alpha male will never consider any challenge to be out of his league; so this dude in the video talking about going for the "bottom apples" because the apples at the top are too high to bother reaching for needs a serious reality check.

5: The Alpha male is a perfectionist

And he expects and demands perfection from everyone around him. He is practically allergic to weakness in any form.
Very well. Now that we have run through the basics that make up an Alpha male, let's take a quick look at the guys on the other end of the Greek alphabet: the bottom-of-the-barrel men who settle for whatever they can get. The omegas.

Omega males usually trail far behind the Alpha and Beta males. They have trouble finding women, may it be for relationship purposes or for getting laid, simply because women do not find them appealing, physically or otherwise. The Omegas are the guys that aren't even lucky enough to be friendzoned; women place them in the category of "creepy" or "disgusting" or both, and men are embarrassed to be seen with them, possibly because they don't want to be labelled an Omega by association.

The Omega male usually suffers from severe low self-esteem and lacks true confidence, but hides it by adopting a "chip on the shoulder" attitude: he either behaves as though he doesn't need anyone and doesn't mind being a loner, or he becomes as loud and passive-aggressive as possible, since it's the only way anyone will take any notice of him. 

 Because women are not naturally drawn to him as they are to the Alpha male, he finds it necessary to adapt to alternative hunting mechanisms. He knows that confident, attractive, successful, strong women will not give him a second glance (they are too busy chatting up the Alphas and Betas) so he seeks out the women that he thinks are more attainable: namely the ones who may not think much of themselves, or may be hurting in one way or other. He then befriends such women, thinking "a shoulder to cry on can turn into a dick to ride on" (pardon my language). Sound familiar? It does to me, too. It sounds a lot like the dude who put out that dumb ass video.

You call yourself an Alpha male, but the Alpha male has no need to go "hunting"; women come to him. He's a magnet, remember? You call yourself an Alpha male, but an Alpha male never backs down from a challenge (isn't attaining a strong, self-assured woman, the "big buffaloes" you made reference to, a challenge? if you're such an Alpha, why run from the challenge)?

You call yourself an Alpha male, but your instinct is to exploit, not to protect. Want to know why all you can manage to get to are women with self-esteem problems and broken hearts? Because after the Alphas and Betas have already snagged all the confident, strong women, the broken ones are all that's left for you. Don't fool yourself sweetie, you're nothing but a bottom-rung Omega, and you need to step you game up.

Idris Elba is an Alpha male. Brad Pitt is an Alpha male. Denzel Washington is an Alpha male. You, my friend, are on the opposite end of the spectrum.

In closing, the Alpha male is often compared to the Lion; a King at ease in his territory. Have you ever seen a lion mate with anything other than a lioness? Think about it.

Saturday, 24 January 2015



You. I'm convinced that you heard my heart calling and came into my life. Convinced that you possess the ability to read my mind.Convinced that God thought of me as he fashioned you. Every part of me senses that we're soulmates. 
You seem to understand my passion and answer it with a passion of your own that resembles it so closely, it's almost one and the same. Your intensity caught me completely by surprise, but the burn was such that I couldn't help but feel it. 

You were tender, oh so tender in your loving. You paid such close attention in your listening. You were gentle in ways that touched my heart and blew my mind. You were into me like no man has ever been into me, and I saw it, felt it, in everything that you did, in every word that you said.

How could I not fall for you? You touched me without physically touching me. You made love to my mind without making love to my body. You loved me till I couldn't help but feel it. How could I not respond to something so beautiful? Doesn't a flower open up to sunlight? Doesn't the earth drink in the rain? Oh, how I had a drought. And oh, how I needed the rain. And you didn't just rain; you reigned.

Your love is so strong that it breaks your heart when I cry. Your love is so strong that you're worried sick when I'm not well. Your love is so strong that you can't sleep when I'm mad at you. What a cruel twist of fate that I will never be able to revel in the full onslaught of that love. What a shame that the man who isn't afraid of being vulnerable in front of me will never get the chance to see me in my vulnerable moments.

What you don't know is the extent of how much I love you. Not wanting to be selfish, I have held back in showing you. A love so deep that I can drown in my thoughts of you. A love so hard that it practically hurts. A passion so on fire that I know you can feel it, clear across the self-imposed boundaries that separate us.

If you ever get the chance to read these words, just know this: I love you like no other. This is a true story.

Thursday, 27 November 2014


"If music be the food of love, play on"
-William Shakespeare

 Music, in general, can be a very powerful thing. Throughout history, it has been used in various ways; as a means of expression, a means of entertainment, and even to incite war or peace. The right kind of music can also act as a mental aphrodisiac (as you're probably already aware). Some songs, such as Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On, have become almost synonymous with lovemaking. Here's a compilation of fifteen songs (in random order) that are guaranteed to give you goosebumps and make you want to hook up with someone fast.

1: Color Me Bad: I Wanna Sex You Up

We Can Do It Till We Both Wake Up....
This song basically had yours truly thinking about sex back when I didn't even have any business thinking about it. While it's up-tempo enough to groove to in a dark corner of the club, it's also smooth enough to transition to a party just for two.


2: Next: Too Close

You're Dancing Like You're Naked...
Like its predecessor, here's another dance number that'll make the guys wish they were receiving a private lap-dance.

3: Paula Abdul: Rush 

No One Else Has Touched Me So Deep Inside....
My female readers will definitely get where I'm coming from with this one, and all the soft, sensitive dudes will as well.

4: Foreigner: Hotblooded

Is My Timing Right? Did You Save Your Love For Me Tonight?

The name says it all. This rock oldie is a tale about a guy trying to get his after a party (Sound familiar)?

5: Ne-Yo! Sexy Love

She Makes The Hair On The Back Of My Neck Stand Up With Just One Touch...

A lot of you will remember this one. It was huge just a couple of years ago, and it's still going strong as one of the most sensual R&B songs ever written.

6: Usher Raymond: There Goes My Baby

I Dig The Way That You Be Pokin' It Out, Girl Give Me Something To Feel On....

Right on the heels of Sexy Love is this dynamite tune by Usher. Many females will dig this one because it pays homage to the extra effort us girls take to keep our look tight, and to impress that special someone in our lives. All that appreciation can make you want to reward a dude....

7: Rihanna: Shut Up And Drive

You Look Like You Can Handle What's Under My Hood, You Keep Saying That You Will, Boy I Wish You Would....

On a first listen you may not quite get what this song is about; it might seem like just another bubble-gum pop number. Pay attention to the lyrics, though....


8: Madonna: Justify My Love

Yearning...Burning...For You To Justify My Love

Madonna has long been known for being overtly sexual, and she lives up to her reputation with what is one of her most  creative, passionate songs to date.

9: Vanity 6: Nasty Girl

 That's Right, I Can't Control It. I Need Seven Inches Or More....

You know I had to put this one in right here! After all, it was the inspiration behind the very name of this blog. One for the inner freak in every female ;-)

10:  Jessica Simpson: Sweetest Sin

 I Want You So Bad That I Can Barely Breathe...

Rumored to have been written about Simpson's fantasies surrounding her first time making love with then-fiance Nick Lachey, this sexy song is an almost taboo ode to virgins (and couples who haven't yet made love) everywhere.

11: Keith Washington/ Chanté Moore: I Love You

There's Something Inside You That Keeps Calling Me...

Even as a kid, this song gave me goosebumps. Now that I'm all grown up, I know exactly why. The perfect song to set the mood for some lovemaking laced with emotion.


12: Janet Jackson: Any time, Any place

 I Don't Wanna Stop Just Because People Walking By Are Watching Us...

I couldn't compile a list of come-get-it tunes without including Miss Jackson if ya nasty. This song is all about the restless rush of adrenaline you feel when you just can't wait....
13: Tina Turner/Barry White: In Your Wildest Dreams

I Smell Your Skin, I Feel You Breathing...Don't Let Me Go...

This right here is a song for the grown folks. No one knows how to tastefully and craftily sing about lovemaking like the legends, and this Tina/Barry duet is no exception.
 14: George Michael: Father Figure

That's All You Wanted...To Be Warm And Naked At My Side....

This song is one of my personal favorites. Don't let the title throw you. The idea of a grown man acting as some woman's "father figure" is a bit twisted, but listen closely and you'll get to the part where George says "I'd love to be your daddy, girl please let me" and it won't take you long to figure out that "Father Figure" is just a clever twist on saying "Who's you're daddy" when you're doing the do. Another example of freaky meets artistic ;-)


15: Usher Raymond: Dive

Can't Help It...I Want You To Feel Me...Every Little Bit Of Me...

Okay, I know this is the second time an Usher song has appeared on this list, but you've gotta admit, when it comes to sexy this dude just gets it, every time. I was first introduced to this song while watching the movie Baggage Claim, and knew instantly that I had to hear the rest of it. I wasn't disappointed. A soothing melody with an ethereal feel, and lyrics that'll make you hate spending the night alone, with Usher's sexy falsetto crooning topping it all off, will you want to take it all off. Happy listening ;-)

Saturday, 22 November 2014


Ah, the dreaded breakup. Nobody likes doing it, especially when the holidays are right around the corner. While everybody else is planning thanksgiving dinners and picking out Christmas gifts for that special someone, you're contemplating just how to break the news to your s/o that the relationship just isn't working out any more. Sadly, some things simply can't be avoided, and us girls know all too well that it's far better to dump a lousy boyfriend than to have a lousy boyfriend dump you. Here are five signs that the time is ripe to get rid of your ball-and-chain.

1: He Can't Stay Off His Phone When He's With You

First of all, let me just say that this is just downright disrespectful. If you've made the effort to spend quality time with your man, he should at least be willing to resist the lure of Facebook notifications and Whatsapp messages for a few hours. If he never just puts his phone away and focuses on you when you spend time together, it's a clear sign that uninterrupted quality time with you isn't high on his list of priorities, and if it isn't, exactly what, then, is the point of your relationship?

2: He Ignores Your Calls

I'm talking more than once (matter of fact, you've lost count of the many times it has happened) and you know it because when he finally picks up, he either has a lame excuse for ignoring you or he reacts angrily, as though you're the one in the wrong. Your guy probably answers every call he receives from others while he's with you; yet somehow always manages to miss your calls, particularly when he's with others. This says only one thing: HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. And if he doesn't, why force him? Do him (and yourself) a favor and never talk to him again.


3: Unless You Initiate Them, Dates Simply Do Not Happen

Spending another Saturday night home alone? Chances are you blew off your girlfriends to hang out with your beau, and, for the millionth time, he has either turned you down or ditched you at the last minute. Most likely, "something important" has come up for him, so I'm guessing to him, you're not that important. Worse, if you hadn't been the one to ask him out, he never would have had the chance to ditch you, because he never bothers asking you out on dates any more. While you're sitting at home sulking and getting new wrinkles, he's probably out with his boys (or another woman?) painting the town red. Two words: leave him. There are probably plenty of other guys willing to ask out an awesome chick like you ;-)

4: It's Been Over A Year, And He Hasn't Introduced You To His Folks

This includes family and close friends. It's an age-old rule that any man who sees you in his future will definitely introduce you to the people that matter to him. If he has made no effort to do so, nor has he indicated to you that he has any intentions to, you're wasting your time. You should be with a man who sees you as more than just a passing amusement.

5: He No Longer Randomly Says "I Love You"....

....and he seldom replies when you say it. I saved this one for last because it's the biggest, most glaring red flag that your relationship is doomed. If the L word has become more like a more offensive four-letter-word to him, so much so that he seems to cringe when you say it, you're basically hanging on to nothing at all. At the end of the day, a relationship ought to make you feel good, not bad, and there certainly should be some clear goal in being with each other. Don't hold on to a guy that has let you go ages ago. Suck it up like a grown woman should and tell that man to make like a trampoline and bounce.

Friday, 21 November 2014


.....And The Lies They Tell Us

These days, when you meet someone, it's hard to tell if you're actually meeting the real him/her. With all the available options to completely change one's physical appearance, as well as the availability of social networks where persons can basically present themselves any way they choose to, you might want to slow down and tread carefully before you decide to start liking that new man/woman you met.


Question to the gentlemen: how many times have you met a drop-dead-gorgeous woman, only to discover after deciding to spend the night with her that you were in for a big (and not necessarily pleasant) surprise when she took off her clothes/makeup?

I've certainly heard my share of horror stories. I've heard of a guy who went dancing with this chick on their first date, and, after a vigorous bout of busting moves, her eyebrows had somehow managed to dissolve, or, as he put it, she'd "sweat her eyebrows off".

I've heard of a woman who went on a blind date with a tall, sixpack-sporting, six-figures-earning dude she'd met on a dating site; imagine her utter shock when, upon meeting him, he turned out to be 5'4, overweight, and an employee at Burger King.

I've heard of a man who took a beautiful woman he'd met online to dinner, and was delighted to find that in person, she was even more beautiful than she'd looked in her photographs. One thing led to another and he took her home and made love to her. The beauty, before their lovemaking, insisted on two things: one, that he turn the lights out completely and two, that he performed only anal sex. Dude must have thought he hit the jackpot; a beautiful woman who enjoyed anal sex. The next morning 'she' told him she was born a man and was in the process of changing her gender. Yikes....


Ladies, we all know this is true. We've been told so many bullshit stories about "Prince Charming", the perfect gentleman with a good job, a handsome face and an engaging personality, that somewhere along the way, we've actually begun to believe that this "Prince" exists. A man may not have the looks or the money, but if he knows how to work his words, he might just work his way into a woman's heart.

A simple "you looked so beautiful when I saw you today", or an "I couldn't stop thinking about you, so I had to call", is enough to set the sucker-for-romance-type female's heart aflutter. And if her heart isn't fluttering, at least you made her smile, because you flattered her, and what woman doesn't enjoy being flattered from time to time, especially if she's not used to it?

Just by saying enough of the right things, a man can make a woman fall for him. Sadly, anyone can say amazing things without having any intention of following up with matching actions, and often, a woman finds this out the hard way.


 As a woman, I completely understand why women go the distance to present the best possible outlook to the opposite sex. We are bombarded on a constant basis by images everywhere of women with perfect bodies/hair/faces, and men are bombarded by these images too. Many women feel the pressure to look as much like these ethereal images as possible, fearing that if they don't, they won't be able to attract a good man, or any man, for that matter. So they head to the stores, the salons, the websites; anywhere that provides aides that can help them achieve physical perfection, with the hope that, in doing so, they won't be overlooked.

Men have been told for as long as possible that nice guys finish last; that the players-the smooth talkers with "swag"-are the ones that get the women. A man may easily begin to think that, though he may not be an Idris Elba or a Trey Songz, if he learns how to mess with a woman's emotions with pretty words, he might actually have a shot at winning over more than one woman.

Regardless of what we've been trained to think, though, many people still admire genuinity, and one of the sexiest attributes a person can possess is still self-confidence; the ability to truly feel comfortable in one's own skin. So, next time you approach the opposite sex, try presenting your true self (physically and otherwise) to him/her. At least you'll know that, if attraction occurs, it's the real you that they appreciate, and not whom you're pretending to be.

Thursday, 20 November 2014


Yeah, I said it. It's not possible. Even though we've seen it sweetly portrayed on TV shows like Veronica Mars and Friends, in real life, the guy-girl best friend combo just doesn't work out. And here are a couple of reasons why.


...and men, at one point or other, tend to think with their penises. So picture this: you're shooting the breeze with your best male buddy, and, since he's your best male buddy, you don't bother buttoning your blouse all the way up. So what if he catches a glimpse of some cleavage? He's used to seeing you that way by now, right? Wrong. Your peeking cleavage just might be the source of the erection he's trying to hide from you.

If he's looked at you long enough to notice what makes you uniquely feminine, chances are he's thought about sleeping with you at least once; an occurrence that simply won't happen with a girl best friend, just saying....


...and when you do, you tend to get a little more emotional than usual. So a rough day + PMS symptoms + a hug, a listening ear and an attempt to cheer you up from your testosterone-bearing best buddy might just translate to "Oh my gosh, I think I'm falling in love with him".

Okay ladies, all jokes aside, we really are the sex that's more in touch with our emotions. And at times, nothing is sexier than a guy who isn't afraid to show you that he's also in touch with his, maybe not enough to cry during a sad movie, but enough to show genuine concern for you when you're down. Your male bestie won't be your bestie if he hasn't attempted to to do this a few times. All that TLC just might make you fall in love....


...and I wasn't talking about physical nakedness. Okay, that too....but the other kind of nakedness where you trust someone enough to let them in on your dreams, your desires, your fears and your goals. This person has seen you at your best and at your worst, and has stuck by you through it. What better person to become romantically involved with, then?


Having a bestie of the opposite sex certainly has its advantages, but the reality is, because it's a guy-girl friendship, the possibility always looms that it could turn into something more. Good luck trying to keep it strictly platonic ;-)